A helpful waiter said to the blonde customer, “Now with that entree, either a white wine or a light red would be appropriate. What may I serve you?”
The blonde responded, “It doesn’t matter, I’m color blind.”
Funny wine jokes
Here you will find great collection of corny, tasty and funny wine jokes for all foodies, food lovers and anyone else who likes wines. This funny collection of friendly and delicious jokes, riddles and puns about wine are clean and safe for everyone. Share these wine jokes and other food jokes with your friends so you can laugh out loud together!
Back to DrinkA trooper pulls over a priest and immediately smells alcohol on his breath. The next thing he notices is an empty wine bottle lying on the passenger seat.
“Have you been drinking?” The officer asks.
“Just water,” says the priest.
“Then why do I smell wine?”
The priest looks at the bottle and shouts, “Good Lord! He’s done it again!”
Did the grape cry when someone stepped on it?Answer: No, it just let out a little wine.
Do librarians like white wine?Answer: No, they like theirs well red!
Had too much wine last night. Have no idea how I got home from the sofa.
He said his non-alcoholic wine was delicious. I told him he had zero proof.
How did Betty get so drunk at the party?Answer: She kept saying “wine not.”
How do you make a wine drinking happy?Answer: Give them a Riesling to be cheerful.
How does a wine drinker hear about the next best brand?Answer: Through the grapevine.
I drank so much wine last night that when I walked across the dance floor to get another glass, I won the dance competition.
I was having wine with my wife when she said ‘I love you so much, you know. I don’t know how I could ever live without you.’ I said, ‘Is that you or the wine talking?’ She said, ‘It’s me talking to the wine.’
I'm a wine enthusiast. The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I get.
Is the glass half empty or half full?Answer: Who cares, either way there’s room for more wine in it.
The first thing on my bucket list? To fill the bucket with wine.
What did the grape do when it was sat on?Answer: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
What did the grape say after it was squashed?Answer: Nothing. It just gave a little whine.
What did the grape say when it was crushed?Answer: Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?Answer: Port whine!
What do you call a wine hangover?Answer: The grape depression.
What happens to grapes when you step on them?Answer: They wine!
What time do ladies drink wine?Answer: At Wine O'Clock.
What’s it called when you get a really bad wine hangover?Answer: The grape depression.
What’s the secret to enjoying a good bottle of wine? Open the bottle to let it breathe. If it doesn’t look like it’s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?Answer: Because they're de-vine!
Why do we love wine puns?Answer: Because they're grape!
Wine is the most civilized thing in the world.
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