Funny bar jokes

A blond walked into a bar and said to the bartender,
“A glass of your finest Less, please!”
“Less?” the bartender said. What is it, some kind of foreign beer?
“I’m not sure,” the blonde replied.
“My doctor told me about it. He said I should drink Less.

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender yells out, "Hey! We don't serve ham sandwiches here." To which the ham sandwich replies, "That's okay, I just wanted a drink."

A sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve food here."

A screwdriver walks into a bar.
The bartender remarks, "Hey we have a drink named after you."
The screwdriver replies, "You have a drink named "Phillip?"

A skeleton walks into a bar. He orders a beer and a mop.

A vegan walked into a bar and asked the bartender: "Are these cruelty-free peanuts?"

My wife stormed into the pub last night as me and the boys were downing shots of Tequila.
“You’re coming home now!” she screamed.
“No, I’m not,” I laughed.
She said, “I’m talking to the kids.”

Two peanuts walk into a bar.

Answer: One was a-salted.

What did the blonde say when some guy at the bar asked her if she liked cocktails?

Answer: I don't know. Tell me one.

Where did the broccoli go to buy a few drinks?

Answer: The salad bar!

Where did the taco go for drinks?

Answer: The Salad Bar!

Why did the bagel go to a bar?

Answer: To get toasted.

Why did the drunk climb up on the bar roof?

Answer: He heard the next one was on the house!

Why did the Easter Bunny show up at the bar?

Answer: He heard it was Hoppy Hour!