Funny monster jokes

A skeleton walks into a bar. He orders a beer and a mop.

Do they serve grilled T-bone steaks in Transylvania?

Answer: Only very rarely.

How do ghosts like their eggs?

Answer: Terror-fried.

How do you kill a gluten free Vampire?

Answer: Garlic bread

How do you kill a vegetarian vampire?

Answer: With a steak to the heart.

How many vampires showed up to the garlic eating competition?

Answer: I don't know, it was countless...

What did the chef say to the skeleton?

Answer: BONE Apetit!

What did the garlic say to the vampire?

Answer: Wanna pizza of me? You coward!

What did the ghost put on his bagel?

Answer: SCREAM cheese

What did the ghosts eat for dinner?

Answer: Spoke

What did the mummy have for lunch?

Answer: A wrap

What do ghost eat for dinner?

Answer: Spooketti

What do ghosts put on their bagels?

Answer: Scream cheese!

What do Godzilla and shrimp have in common?

Answer: They both crustaceans

What do you call broccoli when it becomes a ghost?

Answer: Cauliflower!

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a Jack-o-lantern by its diameter?

Answer: Pumpkin pi.

What do you get when two skeletons dance in a biscuit tin?

Answer: Noise

What does a ghost drink?

Answer: Booze

What does a ghost have in his morning coffee?

Answer: Scream and sugar

What does a vegan zombie eat?

Answer: Graaiiiiins

What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?

Answer: Breakfast in bed!

What does the ghost like on his roast beef?

Answer: Grave-y

What is a ghost’s favourite fruit?

Answer: Booberries

What is a mummies favorite kind of music?

Answer: Wrap

What is a scarecrow's favorite fruit?

Answer: Straw-berries!

What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

Answer: A neck-tarine!

What is Dracula's favorite fruit?

Answer: A Blood Orange

What kind of candy won't a ghost touch?

Answer: Life Savers.

What kind of ice cream does Dracula eat?

Answer: Veinilla

What kind of witch has cheese and ham on it?

Answer: A sandwitch

What would you get if you crossed a turkey with a ghost?

Answer: A poultry-geist!

What's a vampire's favourite salad dressing?

Answer: Italian VEINaigrette!

What's a werewolf’s favorite kind of bean to eat?

Answer: A human bean

What's Frankenstein's favorite Thanksgiving dish?

Answer: Monster mash potatoes and grave-y.

What’s a cannibal’s favorite kind of noodle?

Answer: Rawmen

What’s a ghost’s favorite drink?

Answer: Ghoul-aid

What’s a ghost’s favourite soup?

Answer: Scream of tomato.

What’s a vampire’s favorite drink?

Answer: A Bloody Mary.

What’s the difference between a biscuit and a monster?

Answer: You can dip a biscuit in your tea, but a monster is too big to fit in the cup.

What’s the difference between a vampire and a cookie?

Answer: You can’t dip a vampire in your tea.

Which flavor ice cream is Dracula’s favorite?

Answer: Vein-illa

Which vampire ate the three bears porridge?

Answer: Ghouldilocks

Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving?

Answer: The turkey because he's already stuffed!

Why are ghosts always hungry?

Answer: Because the food goes right through them!

Why did Dracula take cough medicine?

Answer: To stop his coffin.

Why did the monster eat the light bulb?

Answer: Because he needed a light snack!

Why did the monster put the cook in a bowl?

Answer: He wanted a chef salad.

Why did the skeleton go to the barbecue?

Answer: To get another rib.

Why did the vampire go crazy at Burger King?

Answer: He saw all that catsup and wanted a transfusion.

Why doesn’t a skeleton mother drink water?

Answer: Because it gives her more work!

Why wouldn’t the vampire eat his soup?

Answer: It clotted.