Funny crime jokes

A man was found dead in a vat of falafel dressing. Police are treating it as a hummuscide.

Did you hear about the carrot detective?

Answer: He got to the root of every case!

Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?

Answer: Now he’s a waterfelon.

Did you hear about the guy who got arrested for vegetable theft?

Answer: He took a leek in the garden!

How can you tell if you are in love?

Answer: If they stole a pizza your heart.

How do they prevent crime in hamburger country?

Answer: With burger alarms!

How much cash can you make robbing an Indian restaurant?

Answer: As much as you can curry.

My wife has not spoken to me in three days.
I think it has something to do with what happened on Sunday night when she thought she heard a noise downstairs.
She nudged me and whispered, "Wake up, wake up!"
"What's the matter"? I asked.
"There are burglars in the kitchen.
I think they're eating the tuna casserole I made tonight."
"That'll teach them!" I replied.

What did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?

Answer: Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!

What do you call a cabbage’s murder?

Answer: A slaw-ter

What do you call a dangerous burrito?

Answer: Gangster wrap

What do you call a fruit that commits crimes?

Answer: A waterfelon!

What do you call a person who randomly steals French pancakes?

Answer: A crepetomaniac

What do you call a stolen sweet potato?

Answer: A hot potato

What do you call a stolen yam?

Answer: A hot potato

What do you call a warm milky drink that was stolen?

Answer: Hot Chocolate!

What do you call candy that was stolen?

Answer: Hot chocolate!

What do you call it when one chickpea murders another?

Answer: A hummus-cide

What do you call it when you steal a bottle of Jack Daniel's?

Answer: A Whiskey Move

What do you call someone who steals pigs?

Answer: A ham-burglar.

What happened to the robber who robbed a bakery?

Answer: He got caught BREAD handed!

What is the typical breakfast of a thief?

Answer: Full of steel oats.

What kind of fruit is a crook?

Answer: A Strobbery.

What kind of murderer has fibre?

Answer: A cereal killer.

Where does a car thief go for a quick pork meal?

Answer: To the chop shop.

Where does food go when it commits a crime?

Answer: Food Court!

Why did the bread maker go to jail?

Answer: She was caught beating an egg.

Why did the burglar break into the bakery?

Answer: Because he heard the cupcakes were rich.

Why did the coffee file a police report?

Answer: It got mugged.

Why did the Golden Delicious go to jail?

Answer: Because he was a rotten apple.

Why did the pancake get arrested?

Answer: It had committed multiple unwaffle actions!

Why did the police arrest the turkey?

Answer: They suspected it of fowl play!

Why did the police officer arrest the popcorn?

Answer: It was guilty of all salt and buttery.

Why do potatoes make great crime fighters?

Answer: Because they always keep their eyes peeled!

Why do sweet potatoes make good detectives?

Answer: Because they keep their eyes peeled!

Why don't they serve chocolate in prison?

Answer: Because it makes you break out!

Why was the cannibal cop arrested?

Answer: He was caught grilling his suspects!

Why was the little strawberry crying?

Answer: Because his parents were in a jam.

Why was the meat packer arrested?

Answer: For bringing home the bacon.

Why was the tea bag at the police station?

Answer: She was mugged in broad daylight!