Funny oneliner jokes

My mom always makes the pancakes too thin...I shouldn't have to put up with this crepe.
My New Year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my glass half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
My sister went on a crash diet. Is that why she looks a wreck?
My wife has a beautiful face like a flower! A cauliflower!
Our kitchen is so small we can only use condensed milk.
Oyster jokes are so funny I almost pulled a mussel.
Potatoes make french fries, chips and vodka. It's like the other vegetables are not even trying.
Some kid just threw a bottle of milk and a block of cheese at me. How dairy!
Someone bought maple syrup for me. I thought it was pretty sappy.
The best way to make gold soup is to add 22 carrots.
The first thing on my bucket list? To fill the bucket with wine.
The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.
The Italian chef who died, he pasta way.
The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you’re hungry again.
The watermelon plant didn’t like sharing a garden with passion vines; but they started to grow on him.

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