Funny coffee jokes

How are coffee beans like teenagers?

Answer: They’re always getting grounded!

How did the hipster burn his tongue?

Answer: He drank his coffee before it was cool.

How does a coffee lover hit on a woman?

Answer: I’ve been thinking about you a latte.

How does Moses make coffee?

Answer: Hebrews it.

How does Moses make his coffee?

Answer: Hebrews it.

How is it a sin for a woman to make coffee?

Answer: The Bible clearly says “He-brews”

Waiter: ”Would you like your coffee black?”
Customer: ”What other colors do you have?”

What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?

Answer: I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!

What did the coffee say after the donut asked him a math problem?

Answer: I donut know.

What did the coffee say to the cream?

Answer: I can not espresso my feelings for you but I love your latte.

What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?

Answer: They’re only good if they’re rich!

What do Ginger Baker and black coffee have in common?

Answer: They both suck without Cream.

What do they call a cup of coffee in China?

Answer: A cup of Zhou

What do you call a cow that has just given birth?

Answer: De-calf-inated!

What do you call a sad coffee?

Answer: Despresso

What do you call an Indian coffee?

Answer: A Kapur-chino

What do you call an over-caffeinated turkey?

Answer: A per-key!

What do you call sad coffee?

Answer: Despresso

What do you call two coffee mugs sitting next together?

Answer: A happy cup-ple

What does a cow order at Starbucks?

Answer: A half-calf-double-latte.

What does a ghost have in his morning coffee?

Answer: Scream and sugar

What is a bean’s favorite thing to eat on Thanksgiving?

Answer: Roast

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?

Answer: Sanka!

What kind of sugar does Lady Gaga use in her coffee?

Answer: Raw raw raw raw raw

What's another name for a Soy Mocha Latte?

Answer: 3 bean soup

Whats a depressed persons favorite drink?

Answer: Depresso espresso!

What’s fat, slimy, and drinks a lot of Coffee?

Answer: Java the Hut

What’s it called when you steal someone’s coffee?

Answer: Mugging!

What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?

Answer: I asked for coffee.

What’s the opposite of coffee?

Answer: Sneezy

When does coffee taste like mud?

Answer: When it's ground!

Which footballer makes the best coffee?

Answer: Diego Costa!

Why are all Jewish men required to make a good cup of coffee?

Answer: Because according to the Torah, He Brews!

Why are men like coffee?

Answer: The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!

Why did the coffee file a police report?

Answer: It got mugged.

Why didn’t the espresso ever talk to the herbal drinks?

Answer: Because it said they weren’t his cup of tea.

Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?

Answer: It takes too long to retrain them.

Will glass coffins be a success?

Answer: Remains to be seen.